It’s been three weeks since my last post, and it’s been quite a journey. I admit I’ve been putting this off because I was a little nervous about revisiting it all. It’s also a bit daunting to put certain things into words and make them real. Without further ado, let’s dive into the events of these past few weeks.

On August 18th, I took in my first foster dog. He’s a very timid pup who requires a lot of love and patience. He was a challenging choice for my first fostering experience, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him being euthanized due to the shortage of caregivers. In his initial days at home, he showed signs of Kennel cough, a flu-like infection in dogs. He was put on medication, and I had to keep my other pets away from him until he recovered. It was tough, but he bounced back quickly.

During the following week, I came to realize that I was under an immense amount of stress from work, job hunting, pet care, household chores, and self-care. I felt overwhelmed, as if I were drowning in tasks piling up around me. The dishes, laundry, and the guilt of not giving my pets their best life weighed on me. Something had to change, or I’d risk spiraling into something serious. My mom suggested hiring a maid, but that would be too costly. So, I did what I always do – I made a list. I divided my daily, weekly, and monthly tasks into two categories: things only I could do (hygiene, self-care, my job) and things I could delegate.

This was a game-changer. The mere thought of lightening my load was incredibly relieving. I scoured websites and apps like Thumbtack, Rover, and Yelp, requesting quotes for a regular dog walker, home cleaner, and personal chef. It was challenging to find people within my budget, but after many disappointments, I eventually found a great dog walker, a good home cleaner, and an excellent chef willing to help.

After their first visits, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and relief. I looked around my house in awe and asked myself, “What would make me even happier here?” The answer was a new look – some cheerful and calming colors, along with pictures of my pets and me on the walls. I went back to Thumbtack and posted my projects. I hired a photographer, and just yesterday, we had an amazing photoshoot (I can’t wait for the finished pictures). I also hired an interior painter, and in just two days, he and his team transformed my home with colors I adore – blue, lavender, and aqua. I absolutely love the result!

In addition to all the positive changes, I also had some exciting developments in my career. I was accepted as a volunteer team leader within the Red Cross. My focus will be on implementing recognition and appreciation efforts for our division of the Red Cross. Moreover, at my job, I initiated a conversation with a VP who graciously agreed to let me shadow one of her program managers. This opportunity will provide valuable experience and potentially pave the way for a career move into that field. On top of that, I interviewed at a career development company for a volunteer program manager position, and the interview went well (awaiting a decision).

In the midst of all these positive changes, you might be wondering about the somber tone at the beginning. Let’s now turn our attention to the other side of the past few weeks. Last year, I received a diagnosis of Hepatic Adenoma, a very rare condition affecting only 3-4 women out of 100,000. It involves the development of a benign/non-cancerous tumor on the liver, often linked to birth control pill usage. Initially, my doctor recommended that I stop all hormonal medications, including birth control pills, and monitor the tumor for a year due to its small size and lack of symptoms.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, I underwent an MRI, and the results weren’t what I had expected. From the initial diagnosis, I had hoped the tumor might shrink or at least remain the same as I discontinued birth control pills. Unfortunately, it continued to grow, and the MRI suggested it might no longer be benign or non-cancerous. My doctor consulted liver specialists who recommended a follow-up appointment in less than two weeks to discuss the next steps. They’re also planning to present my MRI results at a radiology conference to gain further insights.

In my anxiety, I turned to Google for answers. I knew better than to trust random websites but focused on published scientific papers and articles about Hepatic Adenoma. I learned that a growing Adenoma carries a higher risk of rupture, which can lead to hemorrhaging and life-threatening internal bleeding (fortunately, I’m still under the size that requires emergency surgery, which is a small comfort at this point). Due to the risks, surgical removal is usually recommended. To my dismay, I discovered that liver resection surgery (where they remove a portion of the liver with the tumor) has a 2% mortality rate, meaning 1 in 50 patients undergoing the surgery doesn’t make it through. If I was already anxious, now I was downright terrified, and all I could find were facts from published studies and scientific papers!

Imagine being one of just 3-4 women out of 100,000 with this type of tumor, and knowing that your odds of successful treatment are not in your favor. It’s been an agonizing process. The thought of it being cancerous is even more distressing; I can’t even begin to imagine that scenario.

My way of coping with uncertainty is to prepare for all possible outcomes. So, I jumped ahead (perhaps a bit prematurely) to consider the potential outcomes of surgery. I’d need an advance care directive (a living will) to make medical decisions for me if I’m unable to. I’d also need a proper will to ensure that my pets and my mom are taken care of, and that all my loved ones are in good hands. I know it sounds extreme, but I didn’t know how else to cope.

Sonia, my best friend, made me promise not to read any more papers or articles about my situation. I understand why. Now, I find myself struggling to function due to the stress, and my doctor’s appointment is still a week away. I’ve taken a week off work in anticipation of it. I’m hoping that I can muster the strength and bravery to navigate through this challenging period. Only time will tell.