Not a lot has happened since my last post 3 weeks ago, lot of time has passed now since I was impacted by the layoffs, 7.5 weeks to be precise. It’s been hard to keep going when all you get is radio silence. I know many people are in similar situations and I hope the holiday season starts with a smile and a good news for all of us. I know I’ll get through this, I just need to keep going. The fight isn’t over until I keep my sword down, and I am not giving up. I never have and I never will.

I had created a profile on couple of dating apps when I was still employed, went on couple of dates and never met them again. I was matched with a guy recently, exactly 4 weeks ago, who I’ve been chatting with and started meeting – David.

David is a nice guy, not very bold but knows when to say something that gets you to think, very caring, wants to do the right thing in all aspects of his life, has a very interesting sense of humor, shares so many of my values, and above all – Hasn’t run away yet, even after learning about some of my past.

In the world full of people who go about their day not knowing how they’re affecting lives around them, I found one of the few that tries to hold himself accountable. I started respecting him a lot as I know more and more about him. I started caring about him a lot as I learn more and more about how he sees me. I started trusting him more and more as he shares moments with me. I’ve got my guard down, I’m vulnerable. Instead of freaking out about it (I did a couple of times but let’s not sweat over the small stuff), I’m proud of myself that I’m able to do it with someone who won’t take it lightly.

My Trauma work has been going well, I’ve made progress and even addressed things I wasn’t able to handle in the past. I’ve become more and more aware of how my past affects me and am able to seek help when it’s overwhelming me.

Things have been okay overall except for the job search. I mean being able to pay bills is a big deal but I can keep going for now. Even with that, I feel a sense of emptiness. I have been asking myself what that is, and I’m realizing it’s the holidays.

I’m single this year with bills to pay and no job to support my wallet, therefore I can’t take a vacation to go away and forget all about not having family or friends around to celebrate with. It’s showing me a part of myself that craves togetherness, holidays are all about it after all. For any of you who are in the same situation, I feel you and I really hope you know you’re not alone. We’ll get through this!